Dear Employers,
No, your metrics do not all align neat and tidy. I cannot put
customer service first and make listening a priority and also reduce the
time spent interacting with each customer.
The measures you are choosing to use as benchmarks require me to
prioritize. I have to figure out which ones you actually value, and
which ones you merely need to be seen pretending to value. And I know
that you can't acknowledge this, pay no attention to the man behind the
curtain and all that. But I know. I suspect you know that I know.
And so we do this pantomine. We dance through a ridiculous musical
number, where everyone knows the score. And since your lying to me and
I'm lying to you. And you're lying about not knowing we're both lying
and so am I, how likely do you think I am to believe in the company's
mission?
You can't tell me to sell more, increase the number of prospects I
talk to on a daily basis, but also treat each customer like they are
something special.
I'm sorry, I'm not a psychopath, I can't lie that easily. I know
psychopathy is a really useful trait for managers, but- surprise
surprise- rank and file employee tend not to be psychopaths. makes
sense, less than ten percent of the population scores highly on the
psychopathy test.
You just tend to end up either in jail or in three piece corporate
business suits. The rest of us struggle against the impossibility of
meeting mutually contradictory metrics.
One metric you don't seem to track, long term psychological damage
done to employees. Maybe get back to us once you've taken the time to
measure that one. Or is that simply a cost you're happy to externalize?
Life is Short.
Work is Crap.
Join my Cult.
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