An Introduction to Interdimensional VIllainy

Monday, April 30, 2018

Dear Employers (Hit your own Targets)

Your target goals are meaningless to us. We know that a business needs to make a profit. But your business is a sausage, by which I mean that we have no idea what's gone into it. Huge bonuses to the CEO? That's just part of the payroll budget, and actually means we AREN'T making a profit. That means you feel justified raising targets on the next performance review so we don't get our bonuses down here on the sales floor.

Making a profit is a tricky business of smoke and mirrors accounting. Need to show a profit to shareholders? Do the math one way. Need to show a loss to the tax inspectors? Do the math another way?  And you don't even have to break the law. The only group you cheat is your employees.

We know how much the CEO and other executives make compared to the rest of us. And speaking for myself. I've watched how fast one can swap CEOs in and out. I've worked under three CEOs in less than ten years. That doesn't seem to justify the payroll disparity to me. But maybe I'm bitter.

So. Just to confirm, CEOs have no problem giving themselves credit for any successes, but still giving themselves golden parachutes when the roof of the company falls in. But we don't get a bonus, one that the CEO wouldn't bother to pick up if it were lying on the road, because we didn't match some arbitrary measurement next quarter, just before we've figured out what we need to do to reach those targets.

So no. You performance targets don't impress us. They are capricious and deceptive and you can use them as a rectal thermometer.

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